A highly scientific analysis of Milka chocolate varieties

(Title source.)

I was inspired by the book Candyfreak to write brief reviews of all the Milka chocolate bar varieties that I tried in Germany. Consider this my candy magnum opus.

Milka Chips Ahoy. I don't like Chips Ahoy, so this was just meh for me. My kids liked it, though!

Milka and Oreo. This is one of my favorites! The Oreo bits are suspended in creamy filling so it's like having a bar of chocolate, a glass of milk, and a stack of Oreos, all in one. I do prefer mushy, milk-saturated Oreos, though, so the crunchy texture sometimes made me sad.

Milka Strawberry Yoghurt. Another one of my favorites, though I think I prefer Ritter Sport's rendition of the same (they put little crunchy bits in theirs). The Milka yogurt is more creamy than tangy, but deliiiiiiicious.

Milka and Daim. I prefer my Daim unencumbered by a Milka bar. This combination cheapens both of its elements.

Milka Whole Hazelnuts. This is Jeremy's favorite. It is very good, but apparently I prefer the novelty fillings rather than the classics.

Milka Cream-Crème (Sahne-Crème in German). Like a regular Milka bar, but silkier, almost like mousse. Really good.

Milka Alpine Milk Cream. This is the grown-up version of those Kinder milky chocolate bars. It's nice for those times when you feel like chocolate, but not too much, you know? Bonus: illusion of chocolate being good for you because milk.

Milka Yoghurt. Again, I prefer Ritter Sport's version because it is tangier, but there is always a place for this milder cousin.

Milka Grape Nut. I do not need fruit bits in my chocolate, GOOD DAY SIR.

Milka Caramel Cream. Another gem. Not too caramel-y, not too creamy, not too chocolatey. Just the right balance of all three. Bliss. You used to be able to buy this one in the UAE, but I haven't seen it in years.

Milka Toffee Ganznuss (whole nut - hazelnut). This is my favorite when I'm feeling sophisticated - a single hazelnut on top of toffee (caramel?) and cream, surrounded by chocolate.

Milka Choco + Cakes. This is a Milka bar with cream and a biscuit/wafer/graham cracker thing inside. It tasted like a S'more to me, especially since I ate it when it was all melty. I can see this becoming a favorite, were I allowed the honor of further acquaintance.

Milka Raspberry and Cream. I found this one in Romania - I'd never seen it in Germany. And it is vile. It tastes like raspberry jam inside of chocolate - like those awful cherry cordial chocolates that no one ever eats in the big box of See's. I think I would like it if they incorporated the raspberry into the cream, or made it a straight-up yoghurt flavor like the strawberry.

Looking through the other varieties of Milka available, I am ashamed at how many there are that I didn't try. It was a case of having the old favorite standbys, and always going back to those instead of trying new ones. I promise to give them more of a chance next time.